I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
