i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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