just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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