There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
