I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
