Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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