hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
