god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
