ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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