i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
