just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
