so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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