Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
