Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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