I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
