i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
