I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
