I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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