Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
