I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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