I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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