that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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