Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
