Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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