I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
