just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
