He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
