I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
