My room smells like vodka and shame
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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