i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
how does that bad decision feel?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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