im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
