Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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