their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
