we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
