Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jerry, you need to find god
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
