As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
