drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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