i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
