doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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