im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
