That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
