# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
