I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
