Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
