Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
