That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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