what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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