It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he fucked my hip out of place.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
