I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
