There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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